Beautiful day here in New York City, am I right? So nice today that General Motors sold a convertible.” –David Letterman

“It was so sunny today, that GM executives came out of bankruptcy court squinting.” –David Letterman

“General Motors filed for bankruptcy. Said they owe $175 billion, filed for bankruptcy. You know what that means, ladies and gentlemen? You know what it means, GM filing for bankruptcy? I’ll tell you what it means. It means another enormous bonus for their CEO That’s what it means.” –David Letterman

“Yeah, the taxpayers are going to be lending bankrupt General Motors $30 billion. Taxpayers’ money. Exactly, right. I mean, GM has become America’s brother-in-law. You know what I mean?” –David Letterman

“Over the weekend George W. Bushh — you remember George W. — and Bill Clinton, Bubba — you remember Bubba. They had a debate up there in Toronto, Canada. Up in Toronto. Yeah. The last time they were both in Canada, I think, was when they were trying to get out of Vietnam. Is that right? Do you remember? Something like that. I don’t know.” –David Letterman

“Were you aware of this, ladies and gentlemen, folks visiting from out of town? New York City is now presidential date U.S.A. Huh? Yeah. Over the weekend, the Obamas, Barack and his wife, Michelle, visited New York City, went to a show, then they had dinner at a restaurant down in the Village. And kind of an embarrassing moment. Did you read about this? At one point, the Secret Service — and these guys are really jumpy, you know? They can’t relax for a second. And it was very embarrassing. They jump up, they run to the table, and they wrestle a pepper grinder to the floor. Did you hear about that?” –David Letterman

“And then talk about another awkward moment. Barack Obama, the President, decides he’s going to pick up a baby and kiss it. And it turned out, guess what? It was Mayor Bloomberg.” –David Letterman

“But the highlight of the big weekend date for Michelle Obama, at the end of the day, she got to plant a vegetable garden in Donald Trump’s hair.” –David Letterman

“But you know, people get upset about everything. People are already screaming. They say: ‘You know what that little date that the President and his wife went on in New York City, you know what that cost people? Twenty four thousand dollars. It lasted four hours and it cost $24,000.’ And former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer said, ‘That’s about right.’” –David Letterman