Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris’ PC will crash.
Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
Chuck Norris can make a paraplegic run for his life.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris doesn’t use pickup lines, he simply says, “Now.”
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
Chuck Norris is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Chuck Norris claims “6 Feet of Fun” is actually the trademark for his penis.
Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murdered in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not “attempt” murder.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris doesn’t pop his collar, his shirts just get erections when they touch his body.
Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy that even he can’t lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the fuck Chuck Norris is.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn’t real, it’s when he learns Chuck Norris is.
In 1991, Chuck Norris shot a 14 on an 18 hole golf course, falling short of his personal best by 2 strokes.
On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down “Violence” as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.
If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn’t say, “Did you mean Chuck Norris?” It simply replies, “Run while you still have the chance.”
Chuck Norris is always on top during sex because Chuck Norris never fucks up.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris eats the core of an apple first.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.